It has been 22 days since my last blogpost. Over 3 weeks. This year is an absolute beating. I can't even pinpoint anything specific but my year includes the most difficult group of students I've ever seen come through my school (that's in my 5 years as a teacher and 3 years prior to that as a sub)...an upper admin who has a policy of "push, push, and push harder" and then there's my #1 priority: my fam.
I'll be the first to admit that having a child has changed me. I mean, it's absolutely wonderful but I no longer can (not that I really want to) stay after school until 7pm. I want to be home with my baby. He will only be this little for a blink of an eye.
ANYWAY...I have been having a r.o.u.g.h. year. I'm feeling very uninspired and I am so NOT used to this feeling. :( But...before this turns into a total pity party...let me tell you an "a-ha" I had this weekend.
1. My job is to love (and maybe even teach) the "lost causes". So many of my kids [unfortunately] know that they have been passed from grade to grade simply because no one wants to teach them "again". They are low low low and don't care because they always "pass". Not this year. We have work to do and we will get it done.
2. I refuse to be drained in my 5th year of teaching. Granted, I have picked up my bad Dr. Pepper habit again and I am eating junk food like nobody's business...but I. will. not. let these kids take away the love I have for my job.
So, its a daily struggle. As in, those people who hashtag #thestruggleisreal have NO IDEA what struggle is until they step into my 2nd period class. But. I will not let them win.
Also, to be clear, I have like 60% of my students who are wonderful...the other 40% will learn to be wonderful.
Thanks for letting me vent and I promise to try to blog ((more positive things)) more often in November!
I had one of those years two years ago....and I have to say--while it was a long and trying year--it made me a better teacher. I learned to become less reactionary and more compassionate. So many of the kids that come with such baggage, for lack of a better word, have miserable home lives--worse than one can fathom. In a normal class year, I will look out at my classroom and know that there are about 6 kids (out of 30) who aren't getting a fair shake at life--that year there were 19. I figured out quickly that, in their eyes, the worst that I could do them was nothing compared to what they live with--it would be a piece of cake. So, I chose not to get mad as I figured that was something they wanted--although some days it took everything in my being to control the anger--and I went with disappointment instead. We had lessons on kindness---what it meant, what it looked like, etc--and worked on practicing it (we had a whole bulletin board dedicated to it.) My principal said I must have been channeling Mother Teresa that year. At the end of the year, my meanest girl (and she was mean) wrote me a letter telling me that she knew that she had a lot of work still to do, but she would never forget my efforts to help her be a better person. I don't know if your kids have similar behavioral problems, or if it just that they are low, low, low, but, either way, know that you are not alone--and you will triumph! :)
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Thanks for the encouragement! I'm hoping for some of those end of year moments where kids realize that I actually DO love them...
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